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Artie. It wasn’t about Big
Bands, it was about The Big Bang.
Artie Shaw passed
away on December 30th 2004, aged 94. Sig Shonholtz,
his friend in later life, spoke at the funeral
and his well-received words on that day were almost
exactly as written below.
By Sig Shonholtz
Published January 2005
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My
friendship with Artie Shaw began over a business
transaction about 8 years ago; he had answered
an ad I ran to buy old watches, it started out
a little awkward though. I can still remember
it, Larry Rose his secretary called me up one
day and told me that Mr. Shaw wanted to talk to
me, Artie then got on the phone and barked at
me about a watch he wanted to sell and when could
I come over and look at it and make him an offer.
I told him I was too busy and that he would have
to come and meet me. Well, this went on for nearly
a year, it got so I knew Larry’s voice when I
answered the phone. “Artie Shaw wants to talk
to you he would say” in his polite tone. The stand
off finally ended….. I was too curious… I just
had to meet this man.
When I got to his house
I realized I was in for an experience, the house
was…. to be polite “cluttered with the history
of the 20th century”. To my surprise the gruff
old man on the phone was actually rather charming
and in a few minutes we had made a deal. But we
spent the entire afternoon together discussing
the science of metallurgy and the force of springs.
It was the kind of a conversation you could only
have with someone that truly enjoyed thinking
and concepts. That was the moment I realized that
I was in the presence of someone unique and I
should take “advantage” of his knowledge. I use
the word “advantage” with the utmost respect because
we all have responsibilities in life and one of
our main responsibilities is to raise up everybody
around us to their highest potential, Artie believed
this strongly. If you were paying attention to
what Artie quietly had to say you soon realized
that he was deeply interested and concerned about
the human condition and in making a difference.
We spoke on the phone several
times after that first meeting. The next time
we met it was on “my turf”Artie decided that he
would come and visit me; I can still remember
the moment when he arrived in my antique center.
Down the hall I heard a loud gravelly bellowing
voice yelling out my name. “Where is SIG?” he
said. I answered, “Artie, I am over here”. He
yelled back “Here….where is here, I thought I
was here?” “Here, is the most subjective word
in the English language, the question is, where
are you?” Well, after all the yelling we finally
located each other and laughed about it.
In that moment I realized
that this was a man that required precision in
language. In fact as time went on I learned that
“language was his lord”. Don’t mince words with
Artie Shaw because he has no time to waste. Say
what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t try
to catch Artie in a trap of phrases either. Phrases
like curmudgeon; he was not a curmudgeon…..if
you engaged him in a meaningful conversation.
Unfortunately…. too many people wasted his time
asking about his ex wives and whether he was better
then “Benny”. Artie considered that he had answered
those silly questions enough times, ask a foolish
question of a brilliant person and they will act
like a curmudgeon. It is a variation on Murphy’s
Law.
Time went by and we became
friends. We had many dinners together, dinner
with him was an adventure, he could easily out
eat me. Frequently we had three deserts because
we could not decide on just two. No subject was
too mundane for us, or to lofty. We spoke about
the great taste of Vernors Ginger ale, and why
would anybody drink Canada dry after tasting the
Vernors. We decided that it must be the quality
and amount of extract they used. Once we had a
conversation about a packet of synthetic sugar,
how do they calculate the subjective value of
taste we wondered? We spoke about bats and their
radar and a butterfly’s ability to navigate. We
spoke about the power of adrenaline and the impact
it could have in shaping and controlling an individual.
We wondered, “What were the very first thoughts
of the very first person”…. after I want food
and sex? Artie said “well… here I am”. Once, he
asked a waiter for some more butter. The waiter
said “I’ll be right back” Artie took off his watch
and said lets see what he means by “right back”.
He redefined the concept of “right back”; it means
you stop everything you are doing and even ignore
a fire in the kitchen if necessary to meet your
commitment. How long is “right back”? Well depending
on the circumstances up to 5 breaths of air, otherwise
you need to use another phase, like “give me two
minutes” or “I’ll be back in a few moments”.
Artie had great stories;
during the war he learned to play the Japanese
national anthem just in case he was taken as a
prisoner. He shared a funny story with me once
about a musician in one of his bands. Artie told
him that he had to stop smoking “that stuff” before
each set because he was throwing off the band.
The musician argued and told him, “I am on fire,
I never sounded so good.” So, Artie agreed that
the next day he would do the smoking and the musician
would do the listening. After the set Artie looked
at him and said, hey, you’re right, I sound great.
The musician looked at Artie and said, “Man, you’re
nuts you stink”. The lesson….we do not define
ourselves, perhaps we are perceived.
Artie and his books are
legendary. He had dictionaries in dozens of languages;
his tables were stacked with books on ideas and
thinking and in addition, books on “cheating death”.
His library had 10,000 books in it, on every subject
on earth, science, art, architecture, philosophy,
history, warfare, astronomy, politics, mathematics,
geography, languages, psychology, sociology, medicine,
shooting guns and fly fishing. Artie could speak
arcane languages; not to impress you but because
he knew there were secrets hidden in them.
Artie Shaw was not interested
in banal chatter about big bands. He was interested
in the Big Bang, in fact his mind was a big bang,
but why, what was he searching for? He was looking
for the holy grail of ideas, the mother of all
answers, the least amount of words that could
transform mankind and our planet to be a better
place. He was looking for the simplest and noblest
of thoughts that everyone could work with; he
placed a high value on thinking and beauty. Long
ago Artie Shaw decided that there were only three
questions which he wanted to have answered; so
he went about the task of finding the answers.
The three questions were: are we alone in the
universe, is there life after death and were we
created by a force or did we evolve?
The only way he knew how
to answer those three questions was to read hundreds
of books (Can these questions actually be answered
by reading and organizing millions of words?).
First, in order to absorb the information of 10,000
books and process it you need to live a long time….94
is just about right. You also need to have a very
pliant flexible mind to be able to synthesize
the information so it is usable. He was very capable
of retrieving information from his mind, and would
consider everything that could be considered.
It would not be uncommon for him to share an obscure
idea of Teilhard de Jardin’s or Plutarch within
two sentences. Organizing 10,000 books inside
of one mind is not an easy task. He tried his
best, he made a gallant effort; in fact he has
an unpublished manuscript of 1500 pages, his own
“big bang” of mankind. Not bad actually, he took
the knowledge of 10,000 books, 10,000 years and
condensed it into 1500 pages. When I get the chance
I am going to take the short cut through the history
of humanity and read his abridged edition if and
when it comes out.
In conversation Artie expanded
and expounded on everything, including the Ten
Commandments. He had three extra commandments.
They sound like band leaders ideas but they were
actually ideas for living a great life. Number
11 was “Show Up”, meaning, you must participate
in life. Number 12 was “Get along”, if we don’t
all get along then mankind has no future. And
number 13 was “Have fun”…. well of course. Have
fun….that about sums it up…….the answer of all
answers, he brought living and life down to just
two simple words, whatever it may mean to each
of us.
Have Fun….Artie, I hope
you’re still having fun
SIG Shonholtz is a master
watchmaker and philosopher and is from Los Angeles.
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