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Ready For the “R” Word?
By The Advice Diva
Published April 2005

Spring is in the air. The whole world comes alive with flowers, new life, new smells, warm weather and the discernible increase in libido of the singles crowd. Whether or not there is a direct genetic urge to mate during a specific season, everyone wants to date more in the spring. More often than not, this is the time when new love can take a hold of you and before you know it you are dancing like a cliché through puddles and singing in the rain better than Gene Kelly. This feeling of utter bliss may cause some of you to even contemplate the “R” word – a Relationship.

There are so many different levels that the single person may be on in their life regarding dating and relationships. The level you are on can affect your level of readiness for a relationship. For example, some singles have been serial daters for years refusing to enter a real relationship out of fear of rejection or simply because they love to be single and free of the drama and anguish which relationships may cause. Some singles have been searching for a relationship too hard and end up scaring any potential mates away with that instant cling action. Other single men and women have recently been removed from a relationship and they are on the rebound. Others still are happy being single but will gladly enter a relationship if only the perfect specimen would cross their path. And then of course some of you are thinking, “Well, I've had my fill of parties, clubbing and one night stands for the past ten years, my looks are fading, I might as well start the next part of my life, get married and have kids pretty quick”.

Obviously a person needs to be in the right frame of mind and the right part of life to try and enter a relationship. You should be mature enough and old enough for a relationship. Your self esteem should be high and you should not feel as if you need a relationship to make you feel better about yourself. You should be able to take care of yourself emotionally and financially and not need to depend on your significant other to take care of you completely. You should be free from past trauma and hurt. And you should be ready to enter a relationship only when you feel you have met the right person. Finally, you should only enter a relationship if you are truly in love. If you do not fill all of the requirements above, you might want to do a little work on yourself before focusing on someone else and a relationship. And if you feel that you do embody the right stuff for a committed relationship, there are even more factors that you will want to think about.

First of all, you may be ready for a relationship, but is it even worth entering one at this point? Too many people jump straight into a relationship just because the other person is attractive and available. After only a week of dating, you both decide that you are exclusive and in a relationship. Well that is just plain silly. You are only entering this relationship because you desire that grounded sense of stability (a noble desire), but you have no idea if you are even compatible on the most basic level. Later on you break up, just one of your many relationship upsets, and your self esteem decreases just a tad as you look back on your history of repeated relationship failures. Obviously, this is not the way to go. Another issue to consider is if this person feels the same way about you as you do about him or her. You may desire to enter a relationship with this person, even though he or she is giving you those wishy washy mixed signals. Ostensibly you might believe he or she is in love with you, but your heart tells you different. If you want a successful loving relationship, you must be absolutely, positively one hundred percent sure that this person feels the same exact way about you. The relationship must be a mutual arrangement. It can not be forced or coerced in any way. Forcing a relationship will usually lead to bitter resentment later on down the road.

As a final note, some relationships do not work even when both partners are ready and the perfect conditions have been set only because one or both lovers did not realize that a real relationship needs work and compromise. This especially relates to the person who has been happily single and dating for many years. Suddenly, you have rules. You must call and check in every once in a while, make plans together, watch out not to offend the other and get over going out with the friends for every weekend, crazy party and holiday like you used to. This takes a while to get used to and if you are not prepared to make these sacrifices and compromises, you may just lose one of the best gifts you can ever receive – life long companionship.

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

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