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Chat Me Up, Baby!
By S.D. Craig
Published September 2001

What has the big bad world of the internet done?  Oh my goodness. The world where you can meet a future spouse online. I tripped into IRC one day in June, 1996, unaware what a chat program was.  Interesting concept, this chatting by myself in a room on a chair in front of a screen.  But what's this you say?  I'm chatting with other people doing the same?  Wow.  Okay.  As time progressed, I began to fall in with the regulars, and understand a bit about the whole process.

You could be whomever you wanted to be online. You could be female, five foot two and black, and tell the other chatter you were a six-foot white male. You could drive a BMW, instead of a tuna boat. Very interesting.

I am here to address the untruths about the untruths on chat programs. When you are on a computer, you can lie, cheat, steal, plagiarize, be an idiot, or start flame wars until God swoops down to get you. First timers on chat are appalled at some of the things that can go on.  Don't be naive.  There are idiots everywhere in the world.  Even on your computer.  Yes, even in your church.  The good news?  They can't get to you unless you're being a naive fool.

My confusion with the entire uproar of the past few years over internet meetings between friends is simple. What is so very different about it? Yes, the concept is uniquely new.  I'll give you that. Having met my husband in a most innocent way on this chat program, I do feel I should explain to the non-chatters out there. It's my duty.

On the internet you will have opportunities to meet people.  It is up to you to use your common sense. If you lack in this area, then have a few good friends help you out with their feedback. I say friends because families see red when it comes to these things. Trust me, I know. What I enjoyed about the idea of internet meetings was not the blind-date thing, but that I could do it on my own terms.  I could chat with a guy a year (or two) before I allowed him to come meet me.  This would, of course, weed out the ones who weren't interested in the real me.  I could use a fake name, nickname, or whatever.  Tell him I lived in Arkansas when I'm in Utah.  There are any number of things an enterprising single person can do.  It just takes some reality checks, and a reasonably sane person.

You can meet a man in a bar claiming to be single with a wedding band in his pocket, can't you?  What makes that any less risky?  I'd say it was a lot riskier.

If you arrange an internet meeting, do it where you are comfortable. Before this happens, I'd advise knowing this person's numbers both at work and home, and verifying they work.  Knowing where he/she works, lives, their real name.  Make sure they know your sister or friend knows all the information, too. Have a friend, if you're nervous, meet there with you, or spy from the sidelines.  Whatever makes it work for you. I've met a few people at a time before, and we've gone dancing and it was great. You can exchange photos on the internet. If someone thinks to send you a Meg Ryan or Brad Pitt look-alike photo -- well, the truth can't be hidden upon meeting, now, can it? Also, I suggest for your ease, try to meet them in a channel listed for your area, i.e. #California if that's where you live.  Just ask around in the chat program channels, if you're not sure how to do this. 

Huge phone bills and that whole long-distance thing is NO fun.  But I've known people that were in New Zealand to hook up with a New Yorker. Anything can happen on the internet. Once you've met or even talked on the phone, the chat thing doesn't seem the same as before. If you're two thousand miles apart, it can suffice. I know that, too.

My main concern is that with the ease of using the chat programs and the thousands that are out there, I just hope that you'll use some savvy in your dealings.

I know for me, approaching middle-age and being thrown into the single world once again, I had no idea how or where to date.  Most of my friends were married or tied down.  I lived in a small country town. You get the picture. IRC opened up a whole new world of people to me, and if you're a writer, you can do real well on there. You'll be noticed and make friends quickly. 

It's up to you how to cultivate that scenario.  Just be safe.

About the writer: SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of LovingYourCurves.com and was given the nickname "Chatterbox" by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at sdcraig922@yahoo.com or stop by www.lovingyourcurves.com.

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