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Food & Drink> Me,
Men & Meat
Me, Men and Meat
By Susanna Jacobs
Published November 2002
What is it about me, men
and meat? Sometimes, women can have a strange
effect on men. Some women make men leave their
wives; others make them eat meat. I seem to be
one of the latter. I seem to make men eat meat!
This is not an intentional
act on my part but over the years I have noticed
a pattern emerging amongst supposedly vegetarian
male friends of mine; the sudden urge to eat meat.
It's not even that I love meat myself; I much
prefer the meatless option when cooking. I got
really paranoid for a while, thinking that I unintentionally
had the power to turn vegetarian males into ravenous
carnivores.
After closer inspection
of this phenomenon I came up with some answers
as to why this change in eating behavior should
suddenly occur. Firstly I discovered that I had
been arrogant in assuming that this practice had
anything to do with me. Instead, this sudden change
of heart (excuse the meaty reference) can be attributed
to a number of defining factors.
Picture the scene; it's
an unseasonably hot summer's day in the midlands
of England. You've drunk a couple of pints during
the afternoon in a beer garden, with the rest
of the city; the sun and beer have made you lazy
and you really can't be bothered to think about
making anything to eat later. Although you've
eaten three packets of crisps, your appetite hasn't
been satisfied. Your friend tells you about a
barbecue that his neighbor is having later that
evening and suddenly your hunger prayers have
been answered; the fact that meat tends to be
the main ingredient in the average barbecue gives
you no cause for concern. After all, someone else
is cooking - you don't have to - its summer, plus
you're feeling that pleasant buzz of a few beers;
it's a recipe for success.
You arrive at the barbecue
only to discover (!) that the menu consists solely
of meat, meat and a bit of limp salad - looking
like it's been waiting patiently in the fridge
for the arrival of the British summer.
You're hunger is increasing
and you know that the salad is going to be no
match for it. You look at the barbecue; there
is something lying on it that resembles what you
remember - from childhood - as being a sausage.
But at the same time thinly disguised; it's black!
Curiosity suddenly gets the better of you; memories
of picnics and fry-ups you had as a child come
flooding back. One little sausage won't hurt;
you think to yourself………
You are completely unaware
that, in a moment of meaty madness, you have unintentionally
arrived at the top of a slippery slope; one little
sausage today… a full English breakfast tomorrow.
There's no turning back! Maybe this behavior is
a symptom of S.A.D. The sudden appearance of the
sun effecting a radical change in a person's behavior?
The sun could also be a
contributory factor in another potential meat
eating scenario. You've managed to get a really
cheap last minute package holiday bargain, and
I mean bargain. You arrive on a Greek Island and
are greeted by sun, sand and something marinating
and smelling quite tasty. You're abroad; you're
feeling adventurous; when in Rome…. (unless of
course you're one of those poor unfortunates that
wants chips with everything).
You want to try something
local but you can only understand the items on
the menu that correspond with those in your phrasebook;
the main ingredients being lamb or pork. You decide
to try out your language skills and ask the waiter
what vegetarian dishes the restaurant serves;
you're not quite sure if he's understood you because
the only word you recognize in his response is
'salad'. It's hot and you really enjoy salads,
but, man can not live by salad alone. Can he?
After all, look what happened at the barbecue!
Fortunately the restaurant
has gone to the trouble of providing picture menus
for just such an occasion. You spot one dish that
seems to fit your requirements and it has vegetables
on top, plus it looks really tasty. Surely any
meat within will be heavily disguised by the chef's
culinary magic.
Little do you realize at
this stage that it's only a small gastronomic
step from mince to craving for a more recognizable
part of the animal. The combination of a new culture,
new language and the sun can have strange effects
on a person.
Some scenarios, however,
do not easily fit the sun maketh the man a carnivore
theory. There are also other forces at work.
We've all been there; rushed out to the pub without
- perhaps unwisely - previously coating our stomachs'
with something with which to absorb the imminent
onslaught of alcohol. At this point, hunger is
not even a consideration, you have bigger fish
to fry and they are made of lager. A few hours
later, when the landlord has politely (!) informed
you that the laws of the land forbid him from
adding to your already inebriated state, your
thoughts suddenly turn to food. Your mouth has
been the focus of attention for the entire evening
and why would you neglect it now? The realization
that you haven't eaten since lunchtime suddenly
serves as ample justification for a visit to your
favorite chippy. You look up at the menu in the
hope that they are serving the 'scabby horse'
you've heard so much about, but to no avail. The
fact that the entire population of the city seems
to have chosen your chippy to satisfy their own
post-pub cravings, is somewhat annoying but gives
you ample time to study the menu in detail. Chips
with peas or curry sauce, you just can't decide,
the two options don't seem very appealing. The
alcohol seems to have dulled the part of your
brain needed to make decisions. You look at the
guy next to you, who seems to have got to the
chippy ahead of the mass and is happily tucking
in to his prize.
'What's that you've got
there?'
The guy is far too busy
eating to be bothered or even able to reply, after
all he's not here to socialize; but it doesn't
matter, the decision has been made, 'I'll have
one of those!'
What had formerly been considered
the Devil's food has now taken on qualities of
ambrosia. Some would argue that this variety of
kebab, Donner, is only edible when one is pissed
and one should certainly never even try and guess
what it contains. I can only assume that, for
most people the appeal is in the combination of
synthetic sauces under which the Donner meat is
served.
Could this scenario be classed as nonconsensual?
After all you're not completely aware of your
actions, thus cannot be held responsible for them.
Of course, all the above
scenarios are based on the fact that in many circumstances
there are still limited options for the vegetarian
diner. How much Vegetable Lasagne can a person
eat? Many restaurants still advertise this as
their 'vegetarian option'. Am I mistaken in believing
that in order for there to be an option it has
to be pitted against at least one other option?
And at home; I'm sure the less enlightened still
find the 'we can take out the meat' of a lovingly
prepared Coq au Vin or Goulash, an acceptable
dish for their vegetarian guest. Or of course
the unintentional faux pas of preparing an exquisite
meaty dinner for 12 guests, one of them being
your friend's new girlfriend, and he's neglected
to tell you she's a vegetarian…. 'Oh, are you?
Pete never said! I can make you an omelette'.
Even in the supermarkets
and specialist health shops, vegetarian alternatives
such as Quorn and tofu, are so ridiculously expensive
that for some vegetarians they can only be eaten
as a treat!
I do not claim that all
vegetarians are open to this kind of change of
direction. In the 21st century the sensible option
would be not to eat meat given some of the discoveries
of the late 20th century.
Is meat the enemy? It seems
to slip in when you least expect it! It spots
it's pray and attacks when they are at their most
vulnerable, unable to defend. Or perhaps this
is just the food chain's ironic idea of a joke;
turning the culinary tables.
© Susanna J Jacobs
2002
Susanna Jacobs is
a writer of both reviews and general observational
pieces. Her particular area of interest is cinema,
in which she has a Masters. She currently lives
and works in Barcelona, Spain.
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