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Your Place
Your Place
or Mine?
By Katharine
Miller
Published February 2002
This is it. You found him through the personal
column, you dated, he called, and you uttered
the forbidden phrase. Now it's time for
the next big step. No, not that step. Instead
of breaking up, you've mutually decided
to cohabit.
We're not talking about the dreaded "M"
word that men (and some women) flee for
the hills at mere mention. We're talking
living together. You know, not actually
buying the cow, just sharing expenses and
sleeping space with the cow. (Note: it's
better if you don't refer to her as "the
cow" or else you'll be reading one
of the other columns and back to the personal
ads.)
This is the point where you must make crucial
decisions. I mean beyond the obvious "yours,
mine, or ours" debate. You must decide
what stuff follows you to your new home.
You have to ask yourself "Is it time
to throw out my favorite pair of underwear?
The pair I've had since high school."
You're forced to consider where your collection
of Matchbox cars will be displayed among
her collection of porcelain angels. Skeletons
must come out of the closet (and if you're
both science teachers or Goth enthusiasts,
it can become part of the decorating motif).
Regardless of whose place will become the
official residence, you have to find a good
hiding place for the porn and old love letters.
The last thing you want is to come home
from a long day with your lover knee deep
in magazines crying with X-rated videos
in the VCR. And who really wants to hear
"Why didn't you tell me that Bob used
to call you pookie-snookums? I thought that
was your special name for me."
In fact, there should be a few notes that
you take on your prospective living partner
before staking out your first drawer.
Some points to ponder:
- Toilet paper- over or under. This can
be a crucial point during middle of the
night calls from nature.
- The fridge- fully stocked or lone box
of baking soda. Check the milk's expiration
date. Unless he's a scientist, that's
not an experiment. She may not eat much
in restaurants, but if there's 3 boxes
of ding dongs in the cupboard, that may
be why.
- Closets- organized or disheveled. If
the hangers are empty and you can't see
the floor, it may mean more work for you.
It's also good to inspect any decaying
matter, funny smells, or muffled screaming
that you may encounter.
If you’re still hell-bent on combining
your IKEA furniture and milk crates, it
must be love.
Living together can be mutually rewarding,
if you look at it that way. Expenses are
split, you’ve got an automatic date,
and you can blame the funny smells on someone
else. There are the negative points, though.
More hair clogging the drain, twice the
dirty laundry, and he can blame the funny
smells on you. Also, you can’t bring
home your one-night stands anymore.
If you have embarked on the journey into
cohabitation, God speed fair warrior. Just
be sure to save those boxes because there’s
no way she’s going to let you keep
your toy cars on the shelves.
Katharine Miller has been published on
several websites including Relationship101.com,
Hotspots.com, and CurableRomantic.com
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