By Jeffrey the Barak.

Despite what you think, your cat stinks and so does your home. Any cat owner reading this will immediately dive into a state of denial. They will say, cats do not smell, they are very clean animals. but they are basing such assumptions on their own senses, and these are not the senses of the majority.

In truth, not opinion, cats really do emit odors of various sorts, and like most animals, including humans, their urine and feces are very smelly. In a cat home, not only is there a cat, and a litter box, but there is also cat food, which in itself produces a house-filling stench that cat owners seem oblivious to.

When a non-cat owner visits the home of a cat owner the smells that are there to greet him or her include cat glandular spray, cat urine, cat feces, cat dander, canned cat food and also gases produced by bacteria that thrive in and on all of the above.

But the cat owner will think, Fluffy is so clean, and the litter box is so effective, and that bowl of gelatinous meat by-product on the kitchen floor smells like a rose. They are simply unable to smell what is really there.

And then beyond this nightmare of airborne bacteria, the cat people are also oblivious to the daily killing spree that their little fluffy unleashes on the wildlife of their neighborhood. Even when told that researchers have attached cameras to house cats and documented the massive daily carnage, they cannot process this fact, and continue to believe their little stinky monster just sits around purring at everything.

Of course it is easy to understand why. The reason is love. When you love your pet, you cannot imagine it as a stink-spraying ruthless killer. Even in the face of evidence, you are simply unable to believe it. That is the power of love.

But the non-cat lover will know that you have a cat, even if they never see it. They might be able to smell the cat on you when you are ten miles from home. They will almost certainly smell it in your car, even if you never put your cat in the car. Every piece of fabric or leather that you wear, contains the odor, as does your hair, as do your forearms and ankles. You are covered in it. And your friends with a good nose can smell the cat substances before all else. You smell of cat, and cats do stink.

The little fluff ball that you think is neatly licking itself clean in the corner of your living room is spraying glandular stink bombs out of its butt area when you are not looking. It is doing what is only natural in the wild, and marking its territory. We may have bred cats into house cats, but they are still cats, just like every lap dog is still a little bit of a wolf.

There is a stereotype of an older unmarried single lady, who has no romantic partner, living all alone with her pet cats. This stereotype exists not so much because these people need the company and love of the cats, as it is because the disgusting stench prevents non-cat people from wanting to be near them. Of course all the so-called crazy cat ladies reading this will again go into denial, but it can be scientifically proven that there is a terrible smell, and that it is not attractive. There, point proven.

The cat owner will find that dinner invitations are declined, human visitors have one eye on the exit door, and that the people most eager to come and hang out are not people at all, they are the cockroaches, who besides cats, raccoons and opossums are the only things that find cat food in open bowls on the floor of a warm house to have an appetizing odor.

Now clearly pet dogs and pet goldfishes etc. each have their associated undesirable odors that really don’t belong in a clean home, and indeed some humans are unable to clean away their own terrible smells, and therefore homes without any pets at all can still stink, but the cat is a very common cause of a smelly home, and in almost every case, the cat’s human companion cannot even tell the smell is there.

Some serious reasons why loving a pet cat is not a good idea.

• Urine is deposited to mark territory. A strong smell that the owner gets used to and is unaware of, but others can smell on the property and in the clothes and hair of the owner even when they are off premises.When described, the owner is usually in denial.
• Glandular spray is deposited to mark territory. A strong smell that the owner gets used to and is unaware of, but others can smell on the property and in the clothes and hair of the owner even when they are off premises. When described, the owner is usually in denial.
• Cats kill other animals on a daily basis. Sometimes they keep it a secret, and sometimes they bring them home.
• Cats vomit either dry fur balls or fur balls plus stomach acid inside the house as well as around the premises.
• Cats damage furniture and fabrics with biting, scratching and erosion from bodily fluids.
• Cats fight one another.
• Cats scratch and bite people, including those who feed them and take care of them, but mainly third parties. The owners often try to overlook it as endearing play, but many people are rightly afraid of the injuries.
• Cats are regarded as being clean by their loving owners, but this does not account for cat excrement around the building, or inside it, or the urine, or the glandular spray, or the hair that has been down into the stomach and back out, or the vomit, or the small creatures living in the skin and fur, or the dander, or the shed hair, or the bacteria deposited on all hard and soft objects that cats comes into proximity with. These substances are not only smelly, they can cause allergies and transmit disease. Evan swabs taken from the ceiling of cat’s homes test positive for this bacteria.
• Cats can transfer disease to humans. Diseases include Lyme disease, Bartonella Henselae (Cat Scratch Fever), Bubonic plague, Rabies, Campylobacteriosis, Leptospirosis, Pasteurella Multocida, Salmonellosis, Toxoplasmosis, Ringworm, Roundworm, Tapeworm, Hookworm.
• Cat litter does not work. The litter box smells, very strongly. It is somewhat better than having cat urine and feces directly on the floor but it mainly serves as an illustrator to the level of denial that the loving cat owner has. They view the tray of piss, poo and granules as a normal thing to be inside their home, and often it is located in close proximity to their human food preparation area. Salad anyone?

Jeffrey the Barak is not a cat lover, and is prepared for the illogical hate mail that this article may generate. He forgives you in advance because he knows it is driven by love.